Wow.... has it really been that long??

Time flies when you're a mom... well it flies if you're anyone. It's passes at warp speed when you're a mom. :) I've been so busy with work, housework, the kids and varoius family events that I haven't taken the time to sit down and blog... I dont know if anyone even reads this, but oh well. :) Things have actually been going pretty smoothly for me the last month or so. I started taking Zoloft to help tame my brain a little. I was getting really stressed out and very easily distressed, so I decided that I should take care of it at least for a little while until the hormones calm down a little bit. It seems to be helping quite a bit. My fuse is a little longer and I'm definitely better able to focus on work. I was having a terrible time focusing on anything for more than about 10 seconds at a time and wasnt able to be very effective as an engineer... It's been a thousand times better the last few weeks. I was also running very regularly for a while... I've taken a bit of a furlow from that the last 2 weeks, but I absolutely promise myself I will get back into it. I've lost almost 20 lbs since January and I feel so much better and can wear a few of my old clothes again! Woo hoo! Just a few more pounds and I'm hoping my old wardrobe will be useful again. :) My house is even starting to come together a little bit. I've managed to catch up on my 300 loads of laundry that have been filling up the laundry room for a couple of months now. Now all the dirty clothes fit into 1 bag and I can actually walk into the laundry room (which is also our pantry) now! I still haven't managed to mop the kitchen floor in a while and the bathrooms need some work, but things are tidy enough that I dont feel like goign crazy quite as much of the time. :)

Things at work have gotten a little shaken up lately. The project I'm working on got completely changed... technically, it got cancelled and we kinda got reassigned, but we're reusing a lot of what we've already done on the new project. Hopefully it'll be a good move for the company and we'll all keep our jobs. :) Things are still up in the air and a little crazy around there, but so far it seems like a pretty exciting change. We've also had a fairly tragic year so far. One of my co-workers here in Richardson was in a bad car accident back in February and was in ICU for a while and I believe she's now at a rehab center until she's well enough to go home and be on her own again. She suffereed a lot of internal injuries and broke both of her legs. I hear she's doing well, but haven't seen her myself. She can certainly use some prayer! One of the groups I work really closely with is in Colorado and last week one of our co-workers there passed away suddenly. It's had everyone pretty down. I haven't talked to any of the other guys up there about it, but I know it's tough on them. Prayer for all of them would be appreciated. They are all pretty good friends.

Well, I hate to end this blog on a sad note, but I gotta get back to work now! :) I'll try to be better about posting more often.... (famous last words......)

"True Hospitality"

Today's Coffee Break Devotion was perfect for me. In fact, I was just emailing a friend about when we should get together and thinking in the back of my mind about how I need to clean my house before I invite her and her family over! :) I know there are a lot of moms (and others) like me in the world, so I wanted to share this one.

"The road to a friend's house is never long."
"Chances are, most of us can remember a house where the kids liked to hang out when we were growing up. It probably wasn't a squeaky-clean house with vinyl on the furniture. Most likely it was a house with stacks of laundry, some scattered books and papers, and some dust. There may have been children's artwork on the fridge, and Kool-Aid was probably involved. Homes like these are warm places where kids feel safe, accepted and free to have some fun.
With this in mind, why do we think things have to be just so before we will allow others into our inner sanctum? Could it be our own pride or insecurity?
Warmth and openness are two qualities that set others at ease and make them feel welcome. Most people find these attributes in short supply as they go about their daily lives. It is unlikely that guests will feel compelled to give your furniture the white-glove treatment, yet offering genuine hospitality is a gift your guests will long remember and appreciate.
So why not turn a blind eye to those dust bunnies and invite a friend over today? Chances are, you'll be glad you did."
"Don't let the specter of dust keep you from opening your home to friends."
"Offer hospitality to one another. -1 Peter 4:9"
-FROM Coffee Break Devotions: Latte

I'm back!

Well it's been a while since I've posted here, but you can check out our family blog (http://themorrisfour.blogspot.com) to see what all has been going on with the kids and you'll see why. :)

I've been having quite a good week this week. I'm so thankful that God dragged me out of bed, shoved me in the car and sent me off to church on Sunday. Since Owen had his surgery Friday, we didnt want to take him to church yet, so one of us had to stay home with him. Saturday night, I was trying to talk Matt into going and Sunday morning I was so tired and really didn't want to go. Ella had waken up a few times in the night and Owen didn't sleep very good, so I was just exhausted. I rolled out of bed finally and fed Ella, took a shower and off we went. Of course, we were running late, but I made it there by 9 to help with Sunday school. They recently rearranged things to kinda work around us always being late. Now there is just 1 kindergarten class that the Quams are leading and we are helping them (or other classes if need be). We split up into 2 classes if there are too many kids, which seems to happen about every other week. This week, there was a manageable number of kids, they were quite well behaved and we had big group worship, so we kept them in one room and things went pretty smoothly. The ladies in the nursery managed to hold Ella off until between services, so they didnt have to page me and I was able to feed her before I went into the service.

Dave Semmelbeck did the sermon this week and it was excellent! It's sad how I sit through lots of sermons and realize at the end that I didnt pay much attention and have no idea what they were all about. This week I was paying attention and it was just the message I needed to hear right now! We're studying the book of John right now and Dave covered chapter 3 this week which is all about believing in Christ and spiritual rebirth and Dave spent a lot of time talking about living a life dependent on Christ. I agree that's essential to life and sadly I have forgotten to do it lately! I've been so stressed out that I even went to the doctor and got a prescription for anxiety medication (which I have not started taking yet). I know a lot of my problem is my hormones right now, being post-partum and all, but I really think now that more of my problem is my spirit! I have been trying to do everything on my own. I've been digging and digging trying to find the energy to take care of my kids, work, keep my house somewhat sanitary, keep at least a pair of undies or 2 clean and I'm coming up empty! I sat there in church listening to Dave and just kicked myself and said, "DUH!" What is wrong with me? I know the truth, yet I stray away from it over and over and over again. So, this week, my goal has been to stop and pray when I feel myself becoming overwhelmed. I just ask God to remind me and help me to depend on him and draw my strength from him because I absolutely cannot do it on my own or I really will drive myself crazy. I've been much more patient with my kids and have felt much more positive about everything. Yesterday, I was completely losing my patience with Owen, so I decided it was time to go for a run, so I loaded Owen up in the stroller and off we went. When we got back, I felt so much better. It's amazing what prayer and a little physical activity can do for your mindset! I've been trying my best to run or at least walk every day and keep thinking about Dave's sermon and what a change I've seen in my attitude. I've even had some energy left over to get part of my house cleaned up!

Thanks Dave!! You hit the mark this week and I appreciate it so much! :)

Getting back to sane

I'm starting to feel sane again. Last week was rough, but my headaches are gone now and I've got a lot more energy this week. I'm pretty sure all that mess was just hormonal, so maybe it'll leave me alone for a little while. :) Friday night, I got to go hang out with some friends and do a little bit of scrapbooking which was so nice. Baby girl went with me, but she was a good girl, so I still got to visit and get a few pages done. I needed the time with friends and really appreciated it! Can't wait to do it again next month! And as soon as baby girl is taking a bottle, I'm planning on having Friday nights for similar retreats with and without the husband. It'll be so nice to spend an evening alone with the hubby again! I can't wait!

Headaches

This has been a really long week and a half for me. Since a week ago Sunday, I have had a headache pretty much every day, especially bad during the evenings. Tylenol hasn't really been helping me much, but since I'm nursing Ella, I was afraid to take anything else. I finally got into the doctor today and she said it's probably a tension headache and that it should be safe for me to take some ibuprofen and to relax and rest. She said it could be hormone induced and told me the terrible news that my cycles might be trying to start back up! Noooooo!! :) I guess I should just count my blessings and be happy for the last 12 months I've been able to enjoy menses-free - along with the 18 months not long before that . :) All that said, I hope this headache goes away soon. I'm not one to take medicines unless it's really necessary, but it's been difficult to handle the screaming kids without it, so I've had to give in. I'm ready for it to be gone for good now. (And I'm sure the hubby and kids are ready too!)

Oh yeah! And I finally got my hair cut for the first time since Owen was 4 weeks old! :) I love it! I also got this cute and entertaining book for my birthday about motherhood. I'll be sharing some quotes on here. It's very funny. Here's a sneak peek with more to come:

"When you're in public and you're singing to yourself about a spider or a teapot or finding a peanut, then yes... you are such a mom." - It's a mom thing: Real-World Insights for Proudly Imperfect Mothers by Tina Neidlein

"Be an Energizer"

Jordan and Tammie got me a great little book for Christmas called "Coffee Break Devotions". It's perfect for me because each devotion is 2 pages long which means I can read it while I'm scarfing down my breakfast before I get the kids ready in the mornings and then think on it all day long after that. So far, I've only read a couple of these but they are great! Today's topic was very appropriate for me as it's something I think about all the time, so I wanted to share. The title is "Be an Energizer" and let me share a little bit of it:

"People who talk to Alison Smithe feel good afterwards, even if they've asked a question to which she's had to say no. (skipping ahead)... She's effervescent - always smiling, full of life - and she speaks with enthusiasm. (skipping ahead)... The key to Alison's success isn't that she's cheerful by nature - though that is a positive quality. They key is that Alison is genuinely interested in people, whether it's someone's baby's diaper rash or that someone close to you has died. When people talk to her, she asks thoughtful questions. She's an energizer. People leave conversations with her feeling charged." (from Coffee Break Devotions)

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." -Phillipians 2:4

I want to be like that! I wouldnt consider myself "cheerful by nature". I'm happy and content most of the time, but I'm not exactly cheerful. I'm not someone who always has a smile and brightens everyone's day just by being in the room, however I know a few people like that and I love being around them! I want to be more like that. I dont want to put on a big fake smile and pretend like I care about people by telling everyone how wonderful they are, but I want to truly be interested in people and be able to help people when they need help and cheer people on when they've accomplished something. As I said in my last post, I'm not good at conversing with people because I'm not good at asking questions. But the real problem is that I'm not really interested in the person. Perhaps I think I am, but if I can't even think to ask them caring questions, I obviously am not. For instance, this weekend, I was unable to attend a friend's surprise birthday party. On Sunday, I talked to her at church and the thought never even crossed my mind to tell her happy birthday! I remembered yesterday and now I feel awful! So, if you happen to read this, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!!! My point is, I do stuff like this all the time. I'm so caught up in my own life and the busy-ness of it all that I forget to think about other people. I think about things too late or not at all and I know I've hurt people in the process. So to anyone I've offended or let down, please forgive me. This is a really important part of life that I'm working on right now and I hope that one day I'll be an "energizer". :)

"It doesn't take super-human energy to be an energizer - just some true interest and compassion." (from Coffee Break Devotions)

Friends

It's funny to me how much I need friends. I'm not the type that goes out with my friends all the time or even calls them very often on the phone, but lately I've really been longing for friends. My husband is, of course, my absolute best friend who I get to spend lots of time with, but God programmed us women to need other women. I can't say I understand it, but I know it's true. We long for friendships with other women who we can talk to about the ins and outs of life. I talk to my husband a lot, but half of the time, we just talk past each other like we're speaking different languages (very bizarre, yet typical). It's very frustrating, which is perhaps why I enjoy talking to women who, for the most part, understand what I'm saying . :) I also find it very therapeutic to talk about the kids with other moms who are going through or have gone through the same challenges I am. In fact, that's one reason I like blogging and reading people's blogs. I like to see what fun tricks their kids are playing on them or what cute things their kids are doing and I can share the same about my life and give and get advice.

I have 2 very good friends who I know will always be the very best of friends, but I dont see them very often. Amber and I have been friends since the 7th grade (i.e. 14+years!). We dont talk as often as we should considering we live just 30 minutes apart, but we have one of those relationships where we could not see each other for 10 years and we'd just pick right up when we finally got back together. (I hope we NEVER go that long without seeing each other!) Amber is wonderful and I am so thankful that I have her in my life. Joanna was my college roommate for 3 years and I still talk to her quite a bit, but since she lives in New Jersey, we dont see each other much at all. The last time I saw her was when Owen was 2 months old. :( But I'm hoping to go see her some time later this year. I'm very thankful for email!

I had finally started to connect with some ladies from church in the last 2 years, but since we've moved, I dont get to see them very often because it's about a 45 minute drive to their side of town. I still keep in touch with email and an occassional phone call and I see some of them at church from time to time and I try to make it to Bible study every now and then, but I miss them so much. I miss the positive influence that they have on me. They really lift me up and I miss the candid and fun conversations at Starbucks during Bible study (and playgroup when I was able to make it). I look forward to the new Lake Lewisville bridge at it will make my drive down there a lot quicker so I can visit them more often.

All that said, God knows what we need and he's amazing at answering prayers (as long as we remember to listen for the answer!) He has given me a neighbor that I think will become a great friend. She lives a short walk down the street and we have just connected in a way I dont connect with very many people. She has a 3-year-old son and a 3-month-old daughter, so our kids will be able to grow up together. We've only gotten together a couple of times, but we have the easiest time talking and I enjoy her company. I already feel like I've known her for a long time, even though we really hardly know each other at all. I hope we can build a great friendship and help each other through this difficult but very fun life of motherhood.

I know God made us relational creatures and intended for us to live in relationships with each other, but it's interesting to me that sometimes building those friendships is so difficult for me. I consider myself a friendly person, but it's not natural for me to be "social" and go out and meet new people or even pursue relationships with people i've already met. I'm one of those people that is pretty good at talking to someone as long as they are good at asking questions, but I'm not very good at the active end of conversing. Generally I think it's just because I'm too self-centered and therefore, not very good at thinking and caring enough about the other person. That's something I'm working on. :)